Domestic violence is when one person in an intimate relationship believes they have the right to control and criticize their partner's feelings, behavior, and actions. This violence, or pattern of controlling behavior, takes many forms - physical, sexual, and emotional. In its most extreme form it can result in death.

Physical violence includes kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, or pushing in any way that hurts another person. Sexual violence includes any unwanted touching or fondling and forced or pressured sex at any time.

Even the threat of violence can result in someone feeling afraid and controlled. A raised fist, punching of walls, kicking in doors, keeping someone awake all night, threatening to take children, hurting pets, destroying personal things, or withholding money can cause someone to feel fearful and threatened. Abusers often create complex rules that their partners and children must abide by, and just as often, they change the rules.

People who are suffering in battering relationships come from every part of life. Our level of education, financial security, race or ethnic group, sexual orientation, physical or mental ability, immigration status, religion, or marital status does not protect any of us from experiencing domestic violence. It occurs in relationships where the partners are married, never married, dating, living together, separated or divorced. It happens when there are children in the family, and when there aren't any children. Domestic violence occurs when people have been together a long time, or just a short time.

Most often, domestic violence is not an isolated, individual event, but rather a pattern of multiple tactics and repeated events. Unlike stranger-to-stranger violence, in domestic violence the assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. (Ganley, Schechter, 1996)

No matter how many times someone is told, or is made to feel, that the violence is their fault, the truth is that no one deserves to be beaten or treated badly. While everyone's situation is different, and each person knows what is best, and safest for them, there are things that victims of domestic violence can do to protect themselves and their children.

Safety Tips

• Plan ahead
• Read safety planning information
• Develop a plan with your children
• Arrange to have a place to go
• Make copies of important papers and hide them
• Have available important phone numbers
• Pack and hide an overnight bag
• Put aside money, spare keys, and other important items
• During an incident
• Call the police for help (911)
• Get out if you can
• Bring important items
• Avoid rooms with only one exit
• Avoid the kitchen
• When you've decided to get out of an abusive situation, but stay in your home
• Change the lock, secure doors and windows
• Arrange to have someone stay with you
• Change your phone number
• Obtain a Protection Order
• Notify trusted friends and family
• At the workplace, school, and public places
• Inform your work, daycare, and schools
• Change your daily routine
• Plan ahead for unexpected contact with the abuser

Skagit DV&SAS 24-HOUR HOTLINE	WA STATE HOTLINE	NATIONAL HOTLINE
1-800-726-6010	1-800-562-6025	1-800-799-SAFE