Teen dating violence can affect anyone. It is not unique to any one class, community or ethnic group. Preventing dating violence is not only important because of the immediate consequences involved, but also because it precedes marital abuse and may provide a link in the intergenerational transmission of violence. A major premise of intervention is that it is easier to break the behavior patterns and cycle of abuse for a fifteen year old that for a thirty year old.

Many young women who experience teen dating violence are not recognizing the abuse as such. They need to be educated as to what constitutes abuse and to be made aware that power, control, and manipulation do not signify love. Too often fear, shame, and denial prohibit the abused person from admitting to the problem and from seeking help. Education and outreach that confront the norms that allow dating violence to persist is needed to end this cyclical tendency. By addressing the relationship violence at an early age, domestic violence can be averted.

Are you going out with someone who ...

• Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up?

• Tries to control you by being bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously?

• Puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him or her?

• Scares you? Makes you worry about reactions to things you say or do? Threatens you? Uses or owns weapons?

• Is violent? Has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others? Grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you?

• Pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex? Gets too serious about the relationship too fast?

• Abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them?

• Has a history of failed relationships? and blames the other person for all the problems?

• Makes your family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you could be the victim of dating abuse. Dating violence or abuse affects one in ten teen couples. Abuse isn't just hitting. It's yelling, threatening, name-calling, saying I'll kill myself if you leave me, obsessive phone calling, and extreme possessiveness.

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What If You Want Out?

Tell your parents, a friend, a counselor, a clergyman, or someone else whom you trust and who can help. The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you .

• Alert the school counselor or security officer

• Keep a daily log of the abuse

• Do not meet your partner alone, do no let him or her in your home or car when you are alone

• Avoid being alone at school, your job, on the way to and from places

• Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back

• Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner became abusive

Do You Know Someone Who May Be A Victim Of Teen Dating Violence?

Young women, between the ages of 16-24 in dating relationships experience the highest rate of domestic violence and sexual assault.

An average of 28% of high school and college students experience dating violence at some point.

Being a Friend to a Victim of Abuse

• Most teens talk to other teens about their problems. If a friend tells you he or she is being victimized, here are some suggestions on how you can help.

• If you notice a friend is in an abusive relationship, don't ignore signs of abuse. Talk to your friend.

• Express your concerns. Tell your friend you're worried. Support, don't judge.

• Point out your friend's strengths - many people in abusive relationships are no longer capable of seeing their own abilities and gifts.

• Encourage them to confide in a trusted adult. Talk to a trusted adult if you believe the situation is getting worse. Offer to go with them for help.

• Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner. Don't be a mediator.

• Call the police if you witness an assault. Tell an adult - a school principal, parent, guidance counselor.

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